What is an open marriage? Define the Terms

An open marriage is a mutually agreed-upon arrangement in which one or both parties seek emotional or sexual contact with others. Unlike infidelity, which entails concealment, open marriages value transparency and consent. The key distinctions include:

Non-monogamy: A broad word for partnerships that do not follow traditional exclusivity rules.

Polyamory refers to several emotional and sexual relationships (not only marriage).

Swinging: Recreational sexual activity with others, usually as a pair.

In 2020, Will and Jada Pinkett Smith officially admitted their non-monogamy. Jada called their marriage “a life partnership” rather than a “conventional marriage,” stressing mutual progress and independence (GQ, 2020).

Rules for a Successful Open Marriage and Relationship

(Szekely, 2024) Contrary to common assumption, open marriages are not “free for all.” While open marriages might not fit society’s definition of a traditional marriage, they do adhere to their own set of standards. Because open marriages are more challenging, couples set limits and constraints. Having mutually agreed-upon guidelines can be the difference between a happy, healthy, open marriage and a disaster.

Is an open marriage healthy?

Open marriages can be equally healthy as monogamous ones. Some say that the advantages can greatly boost general well-being.

In conventional, monogamous relationships, we expect our partner to meet all of our wants. However, one individual cannot complete such a huge assignment. This can generate discontent in relationships, leading to friction and, in certain situations, affairs or divorce.

People in open marriages describe the following benefits for their relationship:

Better communication

Open marriages necessitate ongoing open communication.

Excitement and Passion

Couples can prevent difficulties caused by boredom or stagnation in their sex lives.

According to research on couples considering an open marriage, married couples who move to an open marriage experience better levels of sexual satisfaction than those who stay monogamous. And these couples had more sex together.

More trust

Being comfortable with your spouse being with someone else demonstrates a high degree of trust. You may be confident that your lover is going to return back to you, and vice versa.

Less jealousy.

Open relationships are sometimes considered to be fraught with envy, yet in many circumstances, the opposite is true. People in open relationships are more likely to experience “compersion,” which is enjoyment derived from watching their spouse pleased.

People in open marriages report the following benefits for the individual:

Both wants and needs fulfilled

Having multiple relationships, you have a greater chance to be thrilled in a variety of ways. This is especially true for sexual fulfillment. Libidos might be mismatched. Being around other individuals helps bridge the distance and reduce anger that could otherwise exist.

Freedom of expression.

Partners outside of your marriage might allow you to pursue desires that your spouse may not share.

Less stress to satisfy all your spouse’s needs

There is less strain and worry when you are not responsible for fulfilling all of your partner’s demands, particularly when it comes to sex. This might help you appreciate each other more.

More appreciation for your spouse

Open marriages involve time apart, during which you or your partner may be intimate with someone else. This area may allow you to miss your lover. Being with someone else might remind you of all the reasons you decided to marry them.

What percentage of open marriages result in divorce?

There isn’t much public evidence on open marriages and divorce, but what we do know implies that they’re similar to monogamous relationships.

Among certain partners, an open marriage is a highly effective dynamic that strengthens their connection. Nonetheless, some people enter an open marriage for the wrong reasons, believing that it would resolve current concerns. For some folks, an open marriage may be the cause of divorce. Open marriage must be mutually agreed upon. And both individuals must be completely dedicated.

The Rules for a Successful Open Marriage

The most successful open marriages have rules in place. The regulations are determined by the pair. They vary since each pair is unique and has distinct priorities. However, there are certain general guidelines that many individuals in open marriages swear by.

Do not join in for inappropriate reasons

Opening up about your marriage can help it progress from excellent to wonderful. However, do not consider this choice as a solution to rescue a failing relationship. If communication is weak, trust and jealousy are problems, or there is a history of infidelity, an open marriage is not the solution. It is possible in the future, but you must first address basic issues.

Prioritize your marriage.

Although you have other connections, don’t forget to spend quality time with your spouse. You could wish to pursue a hierarchical polyamory in which your spouse comes first.

Do not let jealousy develop.

It’s normal to feel envious in an open marriage. It can remain healthy if properly cared for. Recognize when you are jealous, admit it, and discuss it with your spouse. Jealous feelings may indicate that you need to set new limits with your relationship.

Discuss safe sex.

Make sure you have a plan for safe sex. How exactly will you safeguard yourself? Will you need condoms? Will you frequently test for STIs?

Maintain open communication.

Maintaining consistent, honest communication with your spouse is essential for making an open arrangement work. You’re bound to experience a range of complicated emotions. As they emerge, discuss them with your spouse. Determine the degree of depth you are both comfortable providing when discussing outside partners. Engage in an open discussion on what should be shared and what should be kept.

Agree on how you will explain your position to others.

Polyamory and open marriages are sometimes misinterpreted. Unfortunately, the majority of the views are unfavorable. You don’t want people to get the incorrect notion, so how much should you discuss with friends and family? If you have children, be cautious about how you approach the subject with them. Consider joining an online group dedicated to open marriages.

Establish sexual limits.

Many people enter open partnerships to explore their sexuality. While this is the main attraction for the majority, everyone has limitations. Establish the boundary to ensure that you are okay with what your partner is doing. Is penetration permitted? How about oral sex? Be explicit and do not make any assumptions.

Establish emotional boundaries.

It might be difficult to tell the difference between sex and closeness. Emotional boundaries are just as vital as sexual ones, and they may save you from the pain caused by overstepping. Determine your comfort level with activities like as eping with the same person and going on dates. Can you spend time together socially? Make sure you have guidelines about who you may and cannot be with. Could it be someone you both know?

Schedule regular check-ins.

Check-ins to assess the state of the relationship are an important part of having honest talks with your partner. Check if both persons are still comfortable with the existing arrangement. Open weddings can result in significant change simply because more individuals are participating. With that, someone may decide they no longer desire an open marriage. Be willing to end it at any time if it isn’t the greatest option for both of you.

Do not forget consent.

Open marriages are a kind of consensual non-monogamy, or CNM. Consent is what distinguishes open marriages from infidelity. If you’re not sure whether your spouse is okay with anything, err on the side of caution.

Show respect all around.

With your spouse as your primary partner, they are the one you return home to after being intimate with others. So, just because your connection with your spouse is unique doesn’t mean you should consider other relationships as “less than.”

Remember that your marriage may be whatever you desire. Yes, there are standards, but partnerships are not one-size-fits-all. When it comes to open marriages, the most important rule is that you and your spouse agree. If you are both comfortable and joyful, you have done it correctly. Do you want help opening up your marriage? Contact a Couples Center therapist who has worked with open marriages. (Szekely, 2024)

Find out more about open marriages & their red flags below before getting into an open marriage if interested.

Buy Book from AMAZON:

Read more at: Jass Insights

Citation & Reference :

Szekely, G. (2024) Rules for a successful open marriage and relationship.